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    April 03

    其实,奶奶已经走了

    其实奶奶已经走了,每每在夜间醒来之际,我总不得不面对这样的事实.虽然梦境里她还是那样和蔼慈祥的跟我说话.

    十几天来,我总想着其实有关奶奶走了的消息都是不真实的,是虚幻的.年后返沪的那天,奶奶还拎着这拎着那的让我带来上海.我甚至不耐烦地说:这些都是买给您自己吃的,不用给我啦.而彼时竟是我跟奶奶的最后一次对白.依着西门目送我离家的身影竟是最后一瞥.

    2008年3月11日,在奶奶倒下后的第二天夜就与世长辞.第二天中午接到消息的时候我站在天桥上欲哭无泪.

    到家收拾奶奶遗物的时候,奶奶去世前几天刚买的镰刀,小锹等劳作工具还没有开封,所有的衣物叠得整整齐齐,买给老人家的几箱牛奶才刚刚喝掉小半......我站在奶奶遗体边望着仍然和蔼慈祥的面孔,感觉一瞬间就与奶奶生死永相隔了.

    本以为奶奶会长长久久的活下去,最起码也会看到我结婚,看到我有小孩子,听到自己的重孙叫她一声老太.... 但就这样,奶奶甚至毫无征兆的就去了.

    想起年初女友来我家时,奶奶总是拉着女友的手说话,女友要走的时候拉着不让走的情景.心里不禁更是寒酸.

    我总以为慢慢我会接受奶奶去世了这样一个事实,然而直到现时我仍然感觉到她坐在院子里洗这洗那的...

    总想到每次回家奶奶张罗着晚饭,想到每次早上赖床,奶奶总是站在我房间窗前不依不饶的叫我吃早饭,想到阳光下奶奶细心的拨着花生,想着......

    然而,现在回家再也看不到那一个佝偻的身影了.其实,奶奶,我真的很想你,想您长长久久的活着.


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